Paintball Journal

Despite our constant cravings, Evan and I can’t typically just drop whatever we’re doing and play paintball. However, it would be damn cool if we could. The only problem is, sometimes I get the craving to play in some places where things might get a little awkward. (Be sure to read the captions by hovering your mouse over the pictures…)

10) In a restaurant. Despite some restaurants claiming to be fun for the whole family, sometimes they just aren’t accommodating enough.

9) A public bathroom. Sure the stalls are a b****, but some bathrooms scream to be played in.

Underwater. Admittedly, this poses some problems, such as what would one use for jerseys, and how would the water affect walking the trigger.

7) On a space walk. On my recent journey into space, I took a space walk. And I though to myself, how funny would it be if right now, someone just popped out of that shuttle and started blasting me with a Tippmann 98 (the only gun that will function anywhere) and I floated off into space? Pretty damn funny.

6) In a china shop. You ever get those urges where you just wanna destroy s***, like you’re freakin’ Godzilla? Yeah, me too.

5) Church. Not that paintballers ever go to church, the heathenish lot that we are (only joking Proud Christian Paintballers!), but sometimes those sermons really get a man fired up. The preacher is shouting from the pulpit, spittle flying into the splash zone in the first three rows, and absolutely swept up in the fervor, you just want to stand up and say, “Game starts in three!”

4) So you’re busy *ahem* bunkering your significant other in bed, when suddenly, the craving hits. Do you give in and grab your gun and ‘balls? Or do you just settle for uhh… whatever else it is that’s done in bed.

3) Trapeze paintball. Best idea since Potato Sack Paintball.

2) Skydiving paintball. Best idea since Trapeze Paintball. In Sam’s wise, wise words: “It would be like impossible and f***in hilarious trying to watch ppl shoot each other.” I agree Sam. I agree.

1) In the middle of a nudist leper colony. Oh!!!! You totally just imagined that! I got you good, bwahahaha! But seriously.