The Positive Side of Cheating
Disclaimer: This article is written in an entirely facetious manner and does not reflect the views of Dana or his employer 451 Press. Actually, Dana really doesn’t know what 451 Press thinks about the state of cheating in paintball, or if they know that Dana works for them. However, he is sure that they would not condone cheating in paintball if they knew what it was. Paintball, that is.
Cheating, contrary to popular belief, is a great thing for paintball!
First of all, it evens the playing field so that everyone can compete on the same level. I mean, who wants divisions of players by skill level? In all the professional sports there are already established and enforced rules, professional refs, and instant replays so players have to resort to steroids and enhancements that put them at risk! Why do that, when cheating does the same thing, without the bodily harm that anabolic steroids can cause?
Secondly, there are more paint sales because it takes more paint to shoot someone out these days. One ball doesn’t cut it anymore. When you’re shooting a hopper full just to put one ball on your opponent, just think about how much you’ll have to shoot when they’re wiping! Cheating is the biggest boon for paint sales since the semi-automatic was invented.
Things really should just stay the same in paintball. There should be no negative stigma attached to cheating, and wiping should be just another part of the game just like it has been for the past few years. Paintball can do nothing but benefit from all of the wonderful side effects of cheating.
You know… everything except grow to become a legitimate sport. But who wants that, anyway?
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