Paintball Journal

Learning to walk comes in all different ways for people. Some people are simply naturals. Others, like me, might not be able to walk a trigger to save their life. I’ve seen girls at school show me up! I have improved over the last few months, don’t get me wrong, but I can still get a lot faster.

My stock Ion trigger isn’t exactly the easiest thing to walk, and I think most will agree with me there. I tend to walk it with the very tips of my fingers. I’ve tried further down towards the joint, but I just can’t get the strength to keep it going. I can’t wait till I get a better gun someday, because I know I can walk the regular triggers like the one on my busted B2K4. Now that’s a sweet trigger.

The only way you’re going to get better at it is to practice practice practice! Watch TV with it in your lap, carry it around the house, and take the time to find what part of the finger works best for you. But be warned, parents and siblings can get really annoyed by that “damn clicking”. I don’t know about you all, but that’s like music to my ears when I get it going.

Here’s a fun little thing to try out. I have a fairly light mouse button, so it works pretty decent for me. I’ve been able to walk it up to 18 BPS, but I think only once. I’m not even sure that it’s accurate. And for ramp, walk it while holding down the space bar.

You practice for a reason. You practice to get better. You practice so you don’t make noob mistakes in the middle of your first tournament. I believed we learned an invaluable lesson, the hard way mind you, last Sunday. As the title suggests – cross it up and lock it down.

Too make this simple, I broke to back right. The rest of my three teammates broke to the left, one stayed home. I get up from my slide and just as I look to my left I take one to the face from two guys gunning their way up the opposite tape. That leaves the rest of my team looking inside (by coincidence), and the two guys slip right in behind them – over in fifteen seconds.
It was a serious lack of communication. All three of them assumed that somebody was watching the left tape, which I was for about a half second. Besides that though, they assumed that one of them was watching that left side.

Lesson one: never assume anything in paintball.

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Now, some of you are probably saying, Dana, why the hell did you just post a video with little or no affiliation with paintball?

I’ll tell you why. That line “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” is exactly what you should be saying for paintball.

Oddly enough, bouncing around in a squatting position is one of the most agile, flexible, and mobile positions that you can assume when playing pretty much any bunker. It makes you look like a crazed spider monkey, but that’s okay. My friend Sam was playing all day in that position, and did pretty damn well. Of course, he’s also a lot better than me anyway, but that spider monkey position is pretty incredible.

As soon as I have video, I’ll put it up.

You really want to throw your opponents for a loop? I mean really mess with their heads? Then try these 10 things that might get you bonus balled.

1) Mid-game conversations. Talk with your team mates about the episode of your favorite TV show last night, or the latest celebrity gossip, or who your best mate’s dating.

2) Keep calling for your opponents to check themselves for paint. Over, and over, and over.

3) Don’t shoot at all. Run and hide. Try to make as little noise as possible. Trust me, it’s an eerie effect.

4) The dead man’s walk. This one is a bit challenging, and extremely ballsy. You have to stand up like you got hit, making no indication that you were hit other than the fact that you are walking towards the deadbox with a decidedly glum air about you. This can only be used in certain situations that allow you to walk downfield when you get hit.

5) Even when all your guys are dead, keep talking like they are still alive.

6) Insult your opponents in the lamest ways possible. Tell them their “mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

7) Begin wasting your team mates.

Affix a ‘bayonet’ to the end of your gun. Signal the charge. Entire team charges the enemy’s position with paintbrush bayonets.

9) Throw spent pods at opponents. Works better if in the midst of a gunfight. Snap out and throw.

10) Jump. Up and down, in a stand up. Most moronic thing you can do in-game, I swear.

I was recently visiting our 451 Press Forums when one of the other bloggers was asking how he can improve his accuracy, because he plays with some younger fellows he knows. He said that the last time he went the paint was making it twenty feet before veering off in some wild direction, and this instantly brought back those memories when I used to have the same problems.

Several years ago (when I didn’t know any better), I used to buy Brass Eagle just because it was the cheapest thing out there. Now, if I could go back in time, I would shoot myself before I had ever done that. Here’s why…(this might pertain to the newer paintballers)

Brass Eagle is a cheap paint. It’s a fact. It’s very inconsistent in make, and most of them already have dimples in the balls when you buy them. Dimples in paintballs I guess could be comparable to a plane with one wing shorter than the other – they simply won’t fly straight.

Often times the paint is already busted in the bags they come in. This in turn gets paint all over the other balls, and in turn makes them extremely messy and oily. The best you can do in this situation is wipe them off with a towel, or better yet, throw them in the trash.

Brass Eagle paintballs are also notorious for chopping inside your gun. When paint chops, it goes up into your hopper, it fills the barrel with paint, gets in the internals. I cannot emphasize this enough, if paint gets in the barrel, you will lose ALL accuracy. ALL of it. In this case, make a suicidal charge at the enemy and shoot them point blank. If paint busts in your gun, squeegee it out before playing on.

Too make this rant short and sweet – never buy Brass Eagle paint! It’ll screw you over and ruin your day, and if you don’t believe just try it once for yourself. Do yourself the favor and buy something like Evils, Diablo, or even Premiums.

Evan and I just went paintballing on Sunday, and believe it or not, we got a little bit dirty at some point in the proceedings. Maybe it was my trip and fall ass-slide on the wet turf, or maybe it was a little paint getting shot at me, but somewhere along the way, every single piece of paintball equipment I own, save my gloves which I forgot at home, got dirty.

Now, I like to be rather fastidious in my care of all my gear, so I cleaned everything right after getting home. However, some days I just take a shower and fall into bed, only cleaning one piece of equipment: my lenses on my goggles. If you cannot muster the energy to clean anything else, clean your goggles. Paint left on the lenses can wear off anti-fog coatings and possibly even permanently dye the lens.

Clean your lens with warm water only, and a soft dishrag, nothing abrasive. Might as well clean the rest of your mask while your at it.

So tomorrow comes, and you manage to roll out of bed at a somewhat reasonable time, and you are all ready to clean the rest of your gear.

Let’s start with your gun. I haven’t the foggiest as to how to clean your individual gun, but it’s always a good bet to squeegee the innards and wipe the eyes. Clean the rest accordingly, but I can’t possibly give you exact instructions unless you really want them and leave a comment here for me.

Next, how about putting all your clothes, gloves, headbands, and harnesses into the washing machine. Unless something is like signed by somebody or something, everything should be machine wash safe.

Your hopper you should wipe down both inside and out, probably with a moist rag. I do this to prevent it from smelling like a rotting corpse, and to satisfy my paranoia of oily paintballs.

Same goes for all my pods. The reek of death shall not enter here.

I do believe I’ve covered nearly all my gear, except shoes. Honestly, I don’t wear the shoes I wear paintballing for anything except paintballing. So… I don’t clean those.

Just remember to take care of your gear, and your gear will take care of you.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll likely say it again: Communication wins games. But there are a lot of aspects to communication. We’ve already emphasized the importance of calling out positions. However, something that is just as important is keeping a dead count, not only of their team but also your own.

You don’t want to be the one who shoots out your own snake player, because you weren’t expecting him.

I’ve made the mistake of attempting a run-through on who I thought was their last player, only to be shot out by a back player who had been keeping quiet for most of the game. That was plenty embarrassing, and I have most definitely learned to keep a dead count, not only in my head, but also out loud with my team mates.

It’s that time of year again. That time when you want to just settle down for hibernation and bum through January and February until that warm springtime weather starts rolling around again, hopefully sometime in March or April.

Well, isn’t that nice.

For the rest of us who take paintball seriously enough to continue training through the winter, our first months of ‘07 aren’t looking so relaxing.

You should really attempt to play at least twice a month. Even if you don’t play for hours upon hours every day, you should try to spend as much time at the field as possible. This helps in keeping you on edge and ready to play. If the indoor field that I play at was closer, I’d love to go weekly and just buy a little paint every time. Unfortunately, that field is over an hour away, so going weekly just isn’t an option for us.

So, as far as I can see, I’m playing the next two weekends, and then a tournament in February.
How ’bout you?

The power stance. A position from which you are ready for anything, to spring into action, to mow faces, to dodge the paint as it flies your way.

There are many forms of this stance, though almost universally it requires bending at the knees while behind a stand-up bunker, and tucking your gun tight into your profile.

I have decided to embark on a quest for the perfect power stance.

In my research, I have come across many ways to harness the power of a perfect position. I hope to include many of these styles into my own power stance.

For example, with this stance, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to stop paintballs in midair.

If I ever get into a fist fight in the midst of a particularly vicious paintball game, this stance will probably come in handy. However, I’m not sure how to really integrate it into my power stance…

Googling “Power Stance” made me realize that there is a power stance in music as well, involving a guitar and rock and roll. Ever the meticulous scholar, I tried it out.

Taking these outside influences into account, I began to narrow my search to fields within the paintball sphere. I managed to find several things that will not be included in my perfect power stance, including…

Anyway, I plan on trying out more stances next time I play, and I shall update you on how my Quest for the Perfect Power Stance is going. Until then, may paintballs bounce off you and refs ignore the paint on your grill.

Laning is one of the most important things that you have to do off the break, and at certain points in the game. A player shoud be skilled at both holding and lane, and avoiding a lane.

This drill should test both aspects, depending on the role you play in it.

To start, you need three players.

Player A will be the one shooting lanes.

Players B and C will be running and gunning to their own bunkers.

You start all players at their break points, essentially, it’s a quick 2v1 match, except with different objectives. Have players B and C running through different lanes, at different times, but let player A know which lanes he needs to shoot, because you are supposed to assign lanes in a game.

Anyways, long story short, game starts, Players B and C book towards their bunkers and go in low and fast, hopefully avoiding any stream of paint that Player A has managed to send their way.

Rinse, dry, and switch players out.

If you are anything like me, you dig the idea of setting up either your myspace page or your desktop with an awesome paintball background. Well there aren’t that many readily available on the net, so I’ve compiled a small list you’re sure to find useful.

PBStar’s Desktop Collection

Splat Magazine’s got some nice wallpapers… if you know what I mean.

The Procaps Hub group has a lot of very cool desktops if you look a round a little bit. I used two for both my Myspace and my team’s Myspace.

This is a good run-through drill that is pretty easily set up on any speedball field.

Firstly, you need a straight lane to run through. On both sides of the lane, there should be bunkers to the left and right spaced roughly 5-10 ft. apart. Behind these, set up paint boxes, buckets, whatever is handy at the time. The objective is to run through these, switching hands as you go, shooting the objects set up behind the bunkers, as fast as you can.

Make sure to emphasize that the object is to make the kill, not complete the run through as fast as possible. This would be more realistic, because in a game, you don’t keep running if you missed on your run-through.

This is a great way to enhance speed, accuracy, and ambidexterity.

Myspace is one of the most popular social websites online, if not the most popular. So it makes sense that teams, players, and companies all have their own myspaces to be more connected with everyone else. These are 5 of the coolest Myspaces that I could find.

DerDer Paintball Productions’ Myspace

JT USA’s Myspace

Lucky Paintball’s Myspace

PBNation’s Myspace

Team No Trace’s Myspace
(Yup, that’s our team!)

Paintball is life. There are so many players who would agree. Paintball is one helluva hard habit to break, but it’s also a hard one to support. I’ve often said that paintball is like drugs, except more expensive and more addictive. Seriously. So here are some tips for keeping yourself in the game.

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GoldWave is a simple sound editing program that can be used to figure out BPS, all you need is a microphone on your computer, and some basic learning skills for the program. Oh, and the ability to produce a steady stream of dry-firing.

Once you’ve downloaded the program (available here), you simply select one second in which you produced a steady stream and count the blips. Or you can find more advanced ways to let the program do it for you, but this is easy, fast, and simple.